Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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