It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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