Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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