Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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