i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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