it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
