the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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