whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
