I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
