I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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