Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You pole danced in your parka.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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