cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
