Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
