Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
