yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
