I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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