Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
