At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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