dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
