White coat. Heels.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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