How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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