Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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