Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
