Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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