I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
