I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize