omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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