is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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