How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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