you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
