so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
