There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
