just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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