9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
