Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
