did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
