just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
even my farts smell like vagina
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
