sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
