Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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