Swine flu. Run for my life!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
