What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
