Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

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  (973): Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer. http://tfl.nu/dm7j
  Replies (21) Good night (580) Bad night (2945)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"

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  (253): i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis" http://tfl.nu/kjwy
  Replies (12) Good night (7072) Bad night (839)
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  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (32001) Bad night (1502)
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  (607): View more from New York

  i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th

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  (607): i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th http://tfl.nu/g8vn
  Replies (13) Good night (4241) Bad night (762)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about

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  (781): my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about http://tfl.nu/1vap
  Replies (27) Good night (1400) Bad night (6732)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

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  (608): I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night http://tfl.nu/nzfl
  Replies (23) Good night (6157) Bad night (1111)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?

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  (804): He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag? http://tfl.nu/lcp4
  Replies (21) Good night (769) Bad night (4729)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.

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  (651): Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too. http://tfl.nu/vstu
  Replies (4) Good night (2625) Bad night (640)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...

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  (773): i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is... http://tfl.nu/4q16
  Replies (4) Good night (2451) Bad night (1106)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

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  (516): I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/kwv6
  Replies (10) Good night (842) Bad night (3047)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame

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  (618): thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame http://tfl.nu/q9yu
  Replies (5) Good night (1880) Bad night (547)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?

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  (319): Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be? http://tfl.nu/gqtw
  Replies (13) Good night (746) Bad night (1207)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?

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  (914): He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption? http://tfl.nu/z5ix
  Replies (11) Good night (1835) Bad night (530)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend

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  (+31): Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend http://tfl.nu/3jzb
  Replies (0) Good night (237) Bad night (405)
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  (714): View more from California

  Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?

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  (714): Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself? http://tfl.nu/qmio
  Replies (0) Good night (369) Bad night (178)

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