At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
