Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize