If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You took a bar mat shot.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle