What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.