Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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