I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
