If i come over, it means nothing
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
