***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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