break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
