If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
