at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
