i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We have started to decorate penises.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
