Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
