Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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