wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
