Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
