i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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