is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
