i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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