My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
