at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize