I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
