I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
