He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize