i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
