She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
