So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
