I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
