I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
