So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
