Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just threw up on my dentist
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
