she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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