What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
