She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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