Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
